NEW Medicine ball. ftw!

OK well... what a great start, my titles a lie.. I bought a Reebok soft weighted ball :p not a medicine ball, they both do the same thing so oh well. I figured it would be a good thing to try. I had a rough day today, however, I managed to finish strong. Two days ago I had a fright at work, I was serving my robber, he tried to hide his face so I didn't figure that out until his group was paying.. lovely. So, after a helpful counselor appointment and an annoying 3 hours of work I kicked butt at my country Zumba class and finished with an hour of hot yoga. I feel amazing! But sadly, I haven't yet lost weight... You would think that with eating healthy, working out 2 hours a day, running around at work, and having vitamins that boost your metabolize like chili and green tea I would be able to loose SOME pounds :( I may have to go back to fasting... hopefully that doesn't cause me to relapse :/ Happy to be back! Love you all! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Sandy <3

I'm back for good, I promise..

Holy crap. Its been almost 2 years... I'm sorry. I have been through hell and back. At my work I have had 2 robbery's only a month apart, both of which I was the center of. The 1st one didn't threaten me but the 2nd one held me up with a knife to my throat... Was just lovely... sarcasm... Today, I feel like crap. I took a Zumba class tonight and then a work out class right after. Now I hurt. Thanks to those fucking robberies I've put on weight. I am 153 pounds and I am not happy about it. It's all stress, but it makes me mad. I makes me cry at night. It makes me not want my boyfriend to see me naked, even though I know he thinks I'm beautiful. I'm I a bad person? Why are all the bad things happening to me? Why did I get robbed at work, not once, but twice? Is this a sign that my near death experience was suppose to actually kill me and my time is soon? I was at work (my new job [I'm a server at a family restaurant]) last night, and low an behold I realize, after I finally see his face after he finished his food, that I was serving the 2ed guy who robbed me, and 2 of his family members. What did I do? I pretended like nothing was wrong and as if I didn't know who he was... he recognized me, I'm sure he did before I recognized him, he was hiding his face the whole time I was serving them. I have a restraining order against him... why didn't I kick him out? ughhh :( Why is life such a fucking bitch? So in order to take it off my mind I worked out tonight like no other... now I'm paying the price, I'm sore. I'm doing the same tomorrow too, 225 squats, country workout class, then to finish with hot yoga. To all my followers, I hope you'er still with me. xxx stay strong xxx -Sandyy <3

...

So many words can explain where I have been, however, I am not going to create a excuse out of these words. My life has been a life, a life full of drama, a life full of stress, a life full of lies. But never has my life been nothing less then a life full of life.
This is what life is and unfortunately I am just another person in this life, with these lies, stress and drama continuously following of me.
But thats the way things are, I will continue to be strong, I will continue to breath, breath in life as its meant to be.

I gave in to the crave, and I lost all control. I spent good money on useless food. Why? I dunno, I thought I wanted it. I gained weight, up to 142 by estimate, but then it hit me, what have I done? I have let the one thing that I thought I was in control over secretly control me. Well no more. the day I realised was the day I had my tonsils removed, I figured perfect, if i can't swallow, I can't eat. Well here I am today Day 16, I have lost at least 12 pounds. I lost the first 10 within 6 days. Then the second thought hit me, I can do this. I can be the one I have always wanted to be. The lightweight dancer, the gorgeous, sexy, skinny girl. Just keep this up.

Food will never control me again.

xox Sandy

Why am I not happy?

I'm finally under 130.
But somehow I'm not excited about it.
Is it because I feel like shit?
Is it because I spent the past two nights crying?
Is it because I don't understand my boyfriend?
Or is it the fact my boyfriend doesn't think he should be with be because he thinks I'm perfect and he is an unaffectionate dick?
I don't think he his and he won't listen to me.
We have been together almost 2 year I love him so much and he doesn't believe that he can be loved because he can't love back.
I just can't deal with this.
And I don't know what to do.
It's hard to explain because everythig I do, including now I start to cry.
Thinking about it.. U know he is scared of commitment, but what if.. What if he is realizing he does really like me but but wants to push me away because he is scared?
I just don't know. :(
Like last night he assumed I wanted to break up... I didn't. I just wanted to know what was up.
Fuck I'm a mess :(

Can't stand life right now.
-sandyy

Emotions... Apparently their running wild.

Wow,
I have really noticed, that in the past few days my emotions have been all over the place. Like one minutes I'm fine having fun and laughing. The next minute something's bugging me and I'm nearly in tears. I really don't understand it.
Sure in the past few days I have managed to keep within my 500-600 calorie limit, but never has it played this hard on my emotions. Has anyone else experienced this?

Trying hard
_ Sandyy <3

Insomniac?

Ita 3:30 am guess I'm going back to the days of not being able to sleep.
Worked really late tonight. Good, I stayed away from stupid pizza on the oven, Bad another late night.
Seems as if no matter when I go to bed I must lay in bed for at least an hr before I can sleep. That's great.
So I've finally brought down my stress weight to what I can admit. I was 131 tuesday morning. And I have been loosing 1 pound a day so I'm assuming I'm 130 seeing as I didn't go over my limit and ate less then yesterday today.
I can actually start to see my ribs around my belly button again. Made me smile a bit.
Some things seem to be shining while other are still dull but that's life right? Gotta get through the storm in order to see a rainbow. Translate that and u gotta feel the pain to see the good results.
Staying strong
-Sandy

My emotional rollar coster

Over the past few months I have been under soo much stress. I lost a lot of weight and put it all back on. Now it won't change. I'm starting university this fall and I'm scared shitless.
I miss my cousin sooo much. I really really do. But at the same time I hate her. She was my best/only friend. The sister I never had. And she just ditched. Like everyone else does. I find it so hard to keep a good friendship without having to overly work hard at it. I believe I have given up. I don't go out of my way to talk/see people because I'm usually working or to tired or lazy. I just don't feel motives. Maybe it's cuz every friend I have had just ends up ditching me. All I got is my boyfriend. Which we se each other at work all the time so we only hangout once a week. We have been together for 2 years now.
But in a way I guess with my cousin it's my fault. But in don't wanna talk to her just as much as I do. And I feel. If she really wants to talk to me, what's stopping her?
Everytime something reminds me of it, I cry. I just can't handle it. I ran into her last month. I almost cried. I can't do it. I don't know what to do.

I was watching the final few eps. To Hannah montana. (ya I like that show) and Miley and Lillys relashionship and them going to collage reminded me of what me and my cousins was and how it could have been instead of like this and man, I just went on that emotional rollarcoaster and now I can't get off :(
Ugh.