Monday, March 22, 2010

The binge

I hate myself soooo much tonight.
I was doing sooooo good, fasting and eating only wheni had to and under 300-500 a day but burning off everything I ate. Well tonight I had a rice cake and everything went down hill from there.
I regret it and it so bad I can't even explain it!!

I need someone to talk to. I haven't talked to C in forever. Like a year ish now. I feel like I have no one. It's like it's me vs food and I'm scared of it. One slip up and I fail badly. I will try again tomorrow, and I'll overly exersize to burn what I ate today I promise!

Trying hard.
Sandyyy <3

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Negative cals

Feeling the tiredness of no energy in my system. My stomach only full of water and lactose free milk. I still feel awful.
I didn't eat much today but from what I did eat I burned it all off, plus more on my DDR.

Ugh im starting to deffinatly feel like Im on my own. My family is always fighting... Feels great. My friends always have the good things happening to them, all I have to talk to is my boy. Who even then were no officialy dating where friends with benefits as he doesn't have time outside work and school to date.

I hate this. I really do and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm cold all the time, I'm hungry, and my mom worries about me. Bu she is too busy worring about family drama to really notice.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The fast

Sooo I've been fasting alot laitly. Started Tuesday. Lasted 43 hours, (till thursday night) then I was forced to eat. I tried everything to get put of it. But I failed.
I had little bit of salmon, potatoe(baked) and peas. Then had a little bit of this dessert bread at my aunties bday.
I feel fat, I look fat, I hate it.
I was able to fast all of Friday unroll today. At lunch I had a salad piece of bread and my mom made me eat a hot cross bun. That ended my 38 hr fast. Mad I hate the weekends. I think I'm gonna go purge that lunch right now I feel so gross and fat from it.
After I'm gonna go work the rest off on my DDR.
Lottsa love Sandy