Thursday, March 31, 2011

Mom attack

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Mom just got a new job.. Of all places it is at cobs bakery.
So every night she works late she brings home bags full of bread.
Greaaaattt -.-'
Another thing I have to force myself to avoid.
I'm already feeling like shit, because I'm not loosing weight. The LAST thing I want to do is put it on.
Why is it I always have the wost luck :(
I dunno how this is gonna work :(
I really need to talk to someone.
I getting more and more upset and down everyday.
The only thing I have to look forward to is my dance show in May.
Except at this rate I'm going to be the fat one, in which everyone wonders why I'm there.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I got a new job...
Now I work two jobs, both keeping me extremely busy. It's great because now that I'm done school I'm runningback and forth between jobs and dance, it's also keeping me occupied enough to avoid food. Except I haven't lost anything or gained anything. And for that I have become very depressed. Sure I'm also making a lot of money so guarented enough for university come September. But I miss my friends. I either get ditched at last minute. There busy or I'm at work. For some reason I feel they are avoiding me now that they are not forced to see me every day. Currently the only buddy I see outside of work and dance is my boyfriend. But I miss my girls. Well the few I still have :( it's 1am and I've spent the last hr crying over the fact that I'm lonely. Just typing those words make me cry.
Half my family decided they hated me and my parents so they buggered off couple years ago. One of them was my cousin... My best friend, my second half... She was the sister I didn't have. And I miss her :(
I finally had got out of my ED routine, but it's back. No doubt.
I'm scared, upset, lonely ... I'm depressed.
I'm overworked, tired, ... I can't eat.
I'm losing hair, brittle nails ... I'm sick
I'm fat,
I don't know how long this will last but I need support. I need someone who will be there for me. I just need a friend, someone, to talk to