Saturday, May 30, 2009

Parents Become The Problem

I got my computer taken away for awhile,
so i was not able to post.
my mom found out about ana. Well somewhat.
i convinced her i didn't know what she was talking about.

I have had to eat in front of my mom for the past 2 weeks,
she has been watching me like a hawk. errrgg.
but now I'm back on track. i have been a bit bitchy these days
i have been concentrating on my dance, with rehearsals and dress rehearsals,
show last night and tomorrow night, then were done for the year!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Thinspo Of The Day--->

Alright so today wasn't too bad.
I had to eat breakfast today so my mom wouldn't question me.
But it was like half a bowl of PLAIN cheerios no not the honey nut.
Sooo i went the rest of the day on water,
i was going to have an apple but i forgot it in my locker.
i had two hoodia pills tho, there AMAZING!
im gonna have to eat dinner, my parents wont let me skip it. i will probably purge after....

I have a head ache and it wont seem to go...
im kinda worried but imma suck it up.
Ana i love you, and i will stick with you.
If there is no accomplishment if it doesn't hurt.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Coming Clean.. The Start

My obsession began a year ago,
I don't know exactly why but i felt disgusting.
i started to purge every time i felt i had eaten too much.
i never really understood why as i was i think 10 years old.
the phase would come and go as it did for quite a few years.
Now i can't get out of it, and guess what i don't want to.
i love it, the fact that for once im in control of something.
when i started i was ... gosh i can't even say i was so gross.
now i am in the 120's i am happier but its not good enough i want to be between 100 -110
my main goal is 99. Double digits bitch!

Today so far i have eaten nothing. i had 3 pieces of gum 1.7 cals each.
but tonight unfortunately i have to eat dinner, im not gonna be able to purge either.
but luckily i have dance soooo i wont have to worry about it too much cuzz what little i do eat,
i will be able to work it off. Maybe I'll even go for a run tonight.

Eventually i will dance between the rain drops.