tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36161697552119598202024-02-06T22:08:30.809-08:00Dancing Between The Rain DropsLove Ana, As She Loves You.die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-84593083469372550802017-06-20T10:16:00.001-07:002017-06-20T13:11:39.956-07:00ABC Diet Day 9 - Family Chaos<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">CW: 170.9 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">LW: 115 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">HW: 188 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: lightsalmon;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">GW: 119 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">UGW: 99 lbs</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
So close to hitting the 60's yay!!! - so far in 9 days I have lost 8 pounds. </div>
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Couldn't be happier. - No actually I'm super stoked on this. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
But I have a big family weekend coming up... uh oh, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So tonight I'm with my boyfriend - He's coming out to live with me!! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He has a couple job interviews lined up tomorrow. YAY!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now this is where it gets hard... He knows my past - kinda. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I keep telling him no I'm eating healthy I'm working out as he's already made the comment </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"you better still be eating" </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I assured him I am. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So tonight he's picking dinner and I have to eat... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can't purge because he will hear it I'm screwed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
THEN tomorrow night I have family in town</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
2 members of the family from out of town whom I've never met before - oh boy. lol </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we are also going to dinner... I can just get a salad here tho. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so that works. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thursday Im home free so I will fast. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Friday - my moms in town... FUCK. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
then she's taking me back our hometown...<br />
to go camping.ugh. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why must they be so needy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
DOnt get me wrong - I love them. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but they are difficult to hide stuff from. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm very worried this whole family ordeal is going to throw me right for a loop. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm stressing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will do the best I can. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but as long as I can say by next week I'm in those 60's - only 1 pound away. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I will be happy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wish me luck. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
đź’•</div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-19353429558204571342017-06-15T09:53:00.000-07:002017-06-15T09:53:46.675-07:00ABC Diet Day 4 --Diet Pills Day IDK!<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">CW: 174.81lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">LW: 115 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">HW: 188 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: lightsalmon;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">GW: 119 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">UGW: 99 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;">Well last night I fucked up. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I binged.. not by much but enough that I felt dirty. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I purged. I purged it all back up... but that only accounts for 20%</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">the deed is already done by this point.</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I had a chocolate almond Kiss, and 4 mini Swiss Delic (2 dark and 2 Milk)</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">then to get the chocolate taste out of my mouth I had 4 spoon full of cottage cheese.</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">This put me over my 300 allowed calories by 200. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">So as punishment I also had one of my old ex-lax's. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">The fact that its only day 3 makes me feel like a failure. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">ugh no wonder I only lost .4 of a pound today. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I was so happy yesterday I went from 175.8 to 174.5 and now Im 174.1</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I will push through this. I want to be in the 60's by Monday.</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">this is my current goal. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I do have a questions for you guys. I haven't taken ex-lax in a long time. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I took one last night and i think it did shit. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">No pains no cramps no nothing. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I took it at 9pm fell asleep at 9:30pm and woke up at 7:40am... no pains.</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I'm also shocked I slept a whole 8 hours. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Any idea why the ex-lax didn't work?</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Sorry no love today. </span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Sandy</span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhbVodgEUEQy53vku26g1YHgodSCURN4DpTIRu6kz0Kemz7kHOZwIB4ZkHFZCHVpbO2XDD0Tez4fwngeG2eppXl5tvjvlRmoFD5Leq17HBB8l1QWqX7s8e6cD6zm4jmmfJr5EWblKuu04k/s1600/4160775.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhbVodgEUEQy53vku26g1YHgodSCURN4DpTIRu6kz0Kemz7kHOZwIB4ZkHFZCHVpbO2XDD0Tez4fwngeG2eppXl5tvjvlRmoFD5Leq17HBB8l1QWqX7s8e6cD6zm4jmmfJr5EWblKuu04k/s320/4160775.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-87571009500059080142017-06-13T15:57:00.002-07:002017-06-13T16:01:11.301-07:00ABC Diet Day 2 - 500 Calories<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">CW: 175.8 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1wP_GmrqhZPzvUaQUbV03ffHp4ev6lFWk2LividG4WNXltKVs_xBXastOju42abMdhx2cG3gZEYTCxGDi2_mQ7vqpg5Dw-xO3gNq882RC7BtUWtNwVMiKGR2R8bhq4bpy4RhzQdi4q0Rv/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1wP_GmrqhZPzvUaQUbV03ffHp4ev6lFWk2LividG4WNXltKVs_xBXastOju42abMdhx2cG3gZEYTCxGDi2_mQ7vqpg5Dw-xO3gNq882RC7BtUWtNwVMiKGR2R8bhq4bpy4RhzQdi4q0Rv/s400/Unknown.jpeg" /></a></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">LW: 115 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">HW: 188 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: lightsalmon;"><span style="font-size: 10px;">GW: 119 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;">UGW: 99 lbs</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">Day 2! 500 Cals so far down 2.2 lbs!</span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">I successfully completed day 1, YAY!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">I feel like this is </span><span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">easy - but it won't stay that way. </span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">sooo many things around to grab my attention to my hunger. </span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">But no pain no gain. I don't want to purge so I won't binge. </span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;">I will be under 170 by friday! thats my goal!!!</span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: #d9d2e9; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.699999809265137px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.699999809265137px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span></div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-35484941534318267762017-06-12T16:15:00.001-07:002017-06-12T16:18:36.423-07:00ABC Diet Day 1 and Diet Pills Day 5<div style="text-align: center;">
So far so good. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So happy to see the scale lower today - I'm coming back harder then ever and jumping right in. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Its addicting - The results are addicting. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I tried the whole workout eat healthy and it was bullshit</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I still binged, I worked hard saw no results and spent too much money on a trainer that did fuck all. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I ate healthy and how your 'suppose to' for a whole year and it did shit - I was more prone to binging. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
SO FUCK IT. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;">I tried mom, I'm doing it my way now. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I did however try something new for me...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Talking to people. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Not just any people, but people who are the same. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
People who are also going through this, </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Its nice to know your not alone. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I am in this group and we are doing the ABC diet together. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We inspire each other and we help each other. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We help each other not binge to keep up from purging. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We help each other stay strong and stick to the plan. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Beyond this group I'm happy to say I found a friend</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
Someone I can relate to and talk to and share my status</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I will refer to her as A if I ever need to talk about her in the future</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I look forward to our adventure of finally becoming happy inside and out</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
I AM IN NO MEANS PRO ANA - Honestly, this addition I wouldn't wish on anyone </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
but some times its worth checking out Ana groups online </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
just to find someone like you. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
If your still following my blog this many years later I thank you</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Would love to hear from you if you need someone to talk to</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
One thing I learned this week is that</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sometimes it helps talking to someone who's going through the same as you</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
No matter how hard it is. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_HwcwVBCa9tcnDRwRxJcqhFfwPZcIXmttcdfch6i5NZPBR602LJUCcg8I_PmB2xLN4xe4gvOF22HvZ8wwRfrWQzGDMN-YTrEdfCpvQxq3H__UDIvVngtONC8oBJE0fSuvJ8xO-mMLd4gh/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-06-12+at+3.45.30+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_HwcwVBCa9tcnDRwRxJcqhFfwPZcIXmttcdfch6i5NZPBR602LJUCcg8I_PmB2xLN4xe4gvOF22HvZ8wwRfrWQzGDMN-YTrEdfCpvQxq3H__UDIvVngtONC8oBJE0fSuvJ8xO-mMLd4gh/s320/Screen+Shot+2017-06-12+at+3.45.30+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Love Forever. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sandy <3 p=""></3><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #d9ead3;">Today consists of 500 Calories</span><br />
<span style="color: #d9ead3;">As of 4pm I am just under 300. </span><br />
<span style="color: #d9ead3;">Cauliflower rice for days!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-11868538097217173712017-06-09T15:22:00.002-07:002017-06-09T15:24:32.213-07:00Back on Diet Pills Day 2<div style="text-align: center;">
Day 2 of starting back on diet pills... so far feeling normal. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am also doing IdealFit protein, pre-workout and BCAA to keep me said but keep the metabolism going and electrolights. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.idealfit.com/referrals.list?applyCode=AMANDA-R1FI&li" target="_blank">Click here if you want to try the IdealFit</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I've had my protein shake, and a small salad - tonight I will have eggs and cauliflower rice. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In a few days I'll have a fast day. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Im going to avoid MIA as much as I can - I can't purge very well anymore as my stomach lining is thin from years ago. (Gives me heartburn now)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If there is anyone out there listening I would love someone to join me on my race back down the scale. Or even just someone to talk to. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Love Always<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjwsIJ7PWI8uDZelrNBXqKg2sM9ytjGJoubmY4Bp9PzVVNWh34kdRJd0DM_2DZg5b0Cmcyy35dlQNRXSy352r0PMXD2OhLwGj8ab5qRzAIf8ecO1ooQ4Q1dYe6VcmH-NscsL7X1_3VIW_r/s1600/gallery_200771_22113_28349.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjwsIJ7PWI8uDZelrNBXqKg2sM9ytjGJoubmY4Bp9PzVVNWh34kdRJd0DM_2DZg5b0Cmcyy35dlQNRXSy352r0PMXD2OhLwGj8ab5qRzAIf8ecO1ooQ4Q1dYe6VcmH-NscsL7X1_3VIW_r/s200/gallery_200771_22113_28349.jpg" width="156" /></a></div>
</div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-35458197143963842282017-06-08T14:11:00.001-07:002017-06-09T15:24:56.619-07:00I'm Back Bitches<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">I'm baaaaack. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">Yes Im still alive and kicking. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">.... unfortunately with this kind of thing - my Ana - it never goes away. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">I can tell you I'm okay. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">I can gain weight to make you shut up. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">but I can't change how I feel. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">I can't stop my emotions. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">Ana isn't another person, Ana is me. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">Some days Ana is quiet - some days Ana is loud. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">In the end Ana is the one there judging me and calling me out </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">but only after I fuck up. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Its been 4 years since my last post. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">In this time I tried starting over - new life - new house - new friends. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">But what was the point. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">Im back where I started.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">Life's never easy, if it was we wouldn't need google. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">We wouldn't need to complain or be self critical. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;">People wouldn't need to fix things. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">I am 24 this year - and I have an eating disorder. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;">This won't ever change. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;">Lets see how long I'm here for this time. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd0NFoM8SLleALmvWjZON5k2Pi-l263_4HjGedMfc6ArirzjalbjA_pcQoNT9_tNM5mv-bXe-pnksP_mmVTfyttUbPdFsNJUZKPw_nYm8YY3CC8gO2jIVkBq7D7W15MbLJb9uz2favVKBI/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd0NFoM8SLleALmvWjZON5k2Pi-l263_4HjGedMfc6ArirzjalbjA_pcQoNT9_tNM5mv-bXe-pnksP_mmVTfyttUbPdFsNJUZKPw_nYm8YY3CC8gO2jIVkBq7D7W15MbLJb9uz2favVKBI/s400/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-57343997282248572972013-07-08T19:52:00.003-07:002013-07-08T19:52:46.164-07:00cleanse completefinished my cleanse at day 7!!<br />
100% complete!<br />
lost 6 pounds!<br />
<br />die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-7335650898303412482013-06-24T16:34:00.000-07:002013-06-24T16:34:32.732-07:00Day 3 - Herbal DetoxDAY 3!!! I've lost 3 pounds!!<br />
Still going strong.<br />
Today I had Alpine cereal for breakfast,<br />
a green tea and blueberry's for lunch and a shrimp,<br />
cranberry, goat cheese, spinach salad.<br />
AND I'm going to have blueberry's and Melon for desert!<br />
<br />
PS! I'm working on my 3rd job! Hopefully serving!! YAY! :)<br />
I just had my interview today i find out tomorrow or Wednesday morning!<br />
<br />
Catch you Later!<br />
Sandy xxxdie2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-49742783786621432212013-06-22T19:38:00.002-07:002013-06-22T19:38:49.892-07:00Day 1 Herbal Detox!I started it today!<br />
Day 1- done and done.<br />
6 pills a day and 40 drops of this herbal bottle.<br />
I had mixed Alpine for breakfast with a tiny bit of skim mix, and almond milk to drink.<br />
Then I had a gluten-free and lactose free lasagna for dinner.<br />
I didn't eat lunch because I had to work through it.<br />
Tonight I plan having plain pop corn and a frozen juice popsical (Allowed one juice per day) :)<br />
<br />
Trying hard, Staying Strong.<br />
Sandy xxx<br />
<br />
<br />die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-19262507185485582912013-06-17T23:17:00.003-07:002013-06-17T23:18:51.713-07:00LOVE LOVE LOVE<div style="text-align: center;">
This is a first.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I love my new job!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everyone is so happy and friendly, everyone is new so were all on the same page. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Good hours, good food. happy people.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm hoping thing carry on great! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need to start raking in the cash. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need 4 grand more and school will be PAID. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I then need at least 20 grand for rent and living. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I CAN DO THIS!!!</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm going back to dance soon!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If not this week then next week!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I PROMISE! </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I can't miss it again, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I need it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm going back to my spinach and goat cheese lunch, with a tiny dinner.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I think this will be a good diet to start my way back to long term fasting. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have put on a hell of a lot of weight in the past 2 months I'm embarrassed to say how much it is.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Wish me luck!</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Love you all!!!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sandyy xxx<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
P.S. Some reason I have developed a passion for reading very provocative books. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Any reason why this would be?</div>
</div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-8594801834931324302013-06-12T07:26:00.001-07:002013-06-12T07:26:35.885-07:00New Job!!I ended up quitting my hotel job as well, due to the fact they decided that we don't get a break unless we work over 6 hours, (Labor law clearly states a worker is entitled to a 30 minutes brake after 5 hours).<br />
Then, on top of that they want to pay us by the rooms. That is a half hour per room we clean, we don't get paid for setting up our cart, we don't get paid for cleaning up either and if we cant clean the room because a guest hasn't left yet we don't get paid. Its crap.<br />
<br />
However, I got a new job!!! I work at a steakhouse and bar restaurant, this time as a line cook!!<br />
I start training today! I'm so excited!<br />
And the best thing, is that it hasn't opened yet, its bran new to town so everyone is new and training!<br />
<br />
Gotta go finish getting ready!<br />
Sandy!! xxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.crazywebsite.com/Pg-Free-Clipart-Graphics/Images_Celebrate_Labor_Day_Weekend_Clipart_Photos/silhouette_family_barbacue_USA_patriotic_holiday-1md.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://www.crazywebsite.com/Pg-Free-Clipart-Graphics/Images_Celebrate_Labor_Day_Weekend_Clipart_Photos/silhouette_family_barbacue_USA_patriotic_holiday-1md.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-87572365265218302082013-06-05T23:27:00.001-07:002013-06-05T23:27:51.155-07:00Finally I have a voice.<div style="text-align: center;">
When I handed in my resignation letter at my restaurant job, I wrote the reason why I was quitting being about the manager that was harassing and bullying me. I also told him exactly what he said to me. Never did I imagine he would get head office involved. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They called me tonight to ask me how I was doing, and to get a bit more information on the situation. They were very kind, and wanted to make sure I knew that I had a voice, and that they were very upset about the situation and it will be dealt with. </div>
<br />
<br />Here is what actually happened that night, the reason I quit... (names removed to protect there identities)...<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>The manager started off the night by yelling at me and threatened my job telling me to keep busy. So I went out of my way to keep busy. After 2 hours I went to the back to have a drink. The manager followed me back there and yelled at me again, this time in front of my coworker and the kitchen staff. I tried to tell him that I hadn't had a drink in 2 1/2 hours and I was dehydrated but he told me off saying he was tired of hearing all the stupid excuses. He again asked me if I wanted to keep my job threatening that he was going to fire me if he had to talk to me again. He then asked me if I knew why I was getting shitty hours, I said it was because of my availability and he replied “no your getting shitty hours and shitty sections because of your shitty work ethics. Your hours and sections are a reflection of you” He then told me to really think hard about what he’s talked to me about if I want to keep my job. Then just before I left he said again, in front of everyone, to think hard about what he talked to me about. </i></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
He has upset so many workers there its ridiculous. I can't work there if he is there. The only way I could go back was if they fired him. But I have no idea whats going to happen.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started looking for a new job today, but so far I haven't had much luck. This time of year its hard to find a job. I completely missed hiring season. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But we shall see, </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I'll keep you updated.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you for all the support and comments</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My life feels like I'm on a never ending roller coster in the middle of a storm.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sandy xxx</div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /></span></div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-54880187180997297532013-06-03T11:35:00.000-07:002013-06-03T11:35:20.427-07:00Quit my job :(Well, I ended up quitting my serving job.<br />
The manager was being an asshole to me. Harassing and belittling me. I couldn't take it anymore.<br />
I don't care how much money I was making. A job is not worth it if its causing me to cry after every shift.<br />
Time to get the resumes out.<br />
<br />
Staying Strong<br />
Sandy xxxdie2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-90262294091773054692013-05-30T23:29:00.001-07:002013-05-30T23:30:50.655-07:00Fuck, I cant go to the gym!!!<div style="text-align: center;">
Well, my housekeeping job just got real. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My training is pretty much complete so now I'm on my own, and <i>WOW</i> its heavey duty. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Like I'm sweating all day because of it! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>YES</i>, this is good. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is exactly what I wanted. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But now I'm so tired I cant do dance :( </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I haven't been to yoga, and tomorrow is my last day with my month pass.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And I keep falling asleep to early. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Pros... I'm getting paid to burn a ton of calories. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But what is better?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Gym, dance, yoga 1-2 hours a day or working so hard cleaning, sweating for 8 hours 5 days a week???</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Still breathing!<!--3--><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
xxx Sandy<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMlY6Z9FU3IO2PUNPZkzMCwxMdQvbZyAsU15QRRNAXMMLx1qUacwB7tc9ep4t4NxYXWe3h9qmfUCtyerT09jo7gdlvj5GMPR00S7mzXEt6VVE7_7y_bdxdK1vm0OWAyn9Vp14QA6iV_q4/s1600/sexy_housemaid2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMlY6Z9FU3IO2PUNPZkzMCwxMdQvbZyAsU15QRRNAXMMLx1qUacwB7tc9ep4t4NxYXWe3h9qmfUCtyerT09jo7gdlvj5GMPR00S7mzXEt6VVE7_7y_bdxdK1vm0OWAyn9Vp14QA6iV_q4/s320/sexy_housemaid2.jpg" width="186" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<!--3--></div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-46557175026985059112013-05-28T22:01:00.002-07:002013-05-28T22:02:08.423-07:00Day 2 of cleanse<div style="text-align: center;">
Soooooo, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Unfortunately, my cleanse has ended. No, not because I failed, because the cayenne pepper reacted to my gums. Apparently, the mix that i had bought had too much cayenne in it, it caused my gums in my mouth to start peeling. and caused me to have all sores in the back of my throat as if it had burnt it...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
For now I'm going to give my throat a break, its really sore today, it stung badly when I had lemon water :/</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
BUT I found this new cleanse I'm going to try next week called Herbal Detox, Ill post a picture when I start it. It has a lot of good herbs in it and it is in vitamin form. Your suppose to eat a little bit, however, your not allowed dairy, gluten or sugar. Hopefully this will work well for me. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<h2>
<b>UPDATE on my home-wrecker of a friend!</b><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-weight: normal;">--thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions! I decided to let it take its course as interfering may put a strain on our friendship, specially being as I'm technically not suppose to know.</span></span></h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
However, HE HAS A SOLE! He is sorta coming to terms that is wrong. BUT he is still continuing. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Although, one wired catch, he said the other week that her husband walked in on them a bit ago and now they are splitting up. THIS WEEK he has changed it, saying he knew the whole time, and he is cool with it. So as if they are swingers. I call bullshit.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What do you think???</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Still Living! Staying Strong!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sandyy xxx</div>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-55261134312081491912013-05-27T09:33:00.001-07:002013-05-27T09:33:22.446-07:00Day 1!!The master cleanse starts today!!<br />
Hopefully it goes well. The juice is a little too spicy, and the salt water makes me heave...<br />
Hopefully I can get through it.<br />
<br />
Staying Strong!<br />
Sandyy xxxdie2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-13831093138545222692013-05-21T13:42:00.001-07:002013-05-21T13:42:17.105-07:00The Master Cleanse (Lemonade Diet)<center>Alright, so I'm going to start a different fast soon.<br>
Its called the Master Cleanse, AKA Lemonade Diet.<br>
so for at least 3 days maximum 30, you drink lemon cyanne pepper and syrup, or water.<br>
And it detoxifys your body!<br>
Im so excited for this!<br>
<br>
My jobs are going well! my new housekeeper job is great! Its a real workout! just what I wanted!<br>
<br>
And as for my home wrecker of a friend. Apparently the girls husband walked in on them having sex, the girl and her husband are now separated... but somehow I don't believe it and it as like its his way of making it sounds like its 'ok'. <br>
We shall see! Ill keep my blog updated. <br>
<br>
Stay strong! <33<br>
Sandy! xxxx<br></center>die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-84889671524534667572013-05-16T23:21:00.004-07:002013-05-16T23:21:47.542-07:00Playing Sitting DuckMe myself and I, we are good. Irritated but good.<br>
I've started my 3rd job and so far, so good!<br>
<br>
However, I'm stressed out. Now, I don't understand why in gods name this bugs me but I gotta let it out.<br>
A friend of mine, who is suppose to be the obnoxious caring good guy in my group, is hooking up with his married friend, who has a kid!<br>
I didn't necessarily care for this girl before I found out, but now that I know I can't stand her. <br>
But, to top it off, they don't know I know. Now, if they knew I know, they would be aware of the fact it goes against everything I believe in, no I'm not christian, but I do have morals. <br>
Why the hell does this bug me soooo much. And to top it off when we all hangout together this girl randomly brings up about her husband or her daughter and all I can think is I feel bad for your family, you don't deserve them you fucking whore.<br>
Nothing good will come about this for my friend, I'm worried about him getting hurt.:(<br>
If anyone has any suggestions on what to do please please tell me. Its making me uber stressed.<br>
But as far as I can tell I'm stuck playing sitting duck.<br>
<br>
xxx Sandydie2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-4380923781052838242013-05-14T23:48:00.001-07:002013-05-14T23:48:16.031-07:00Gone Bat Shit Crazy!<center>Not even lying, I'm trying something new..<br>
K, so, I was at yoga today and I thought to myself, if I find a job that Would put me to work to help me loose more weight I'll be golden! PLUS more money! Yay to being paid to loose weight!<br>
Mom's getting me hired at the hotel she works at so I can work there as a housekeeper cleaning rooms in the morning! :)<br>
<br>
On another note, I went to my boots and glutes workout class and traditional hot yoga tonight! I feel wonderful!!
Also, yesterday I bought the 'Magic Bullet' its a wonderful blender, that can blend ice, food, anything! Its amazing!
<br>
Staying strong!<br>
Love you all!<br>
xxx Sandy!
<br>
<br>
<a href="http://mondrian-bonaire.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/23_4_2012_13_20_3649_magic_bullet.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://mondrian-bonaire.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/23_4_2012_13_20_3649_magic_bullet.jpg"/></a></center>die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-34811614267737491522013-05-13T00:39:00.001-07:002013-05-13T00:42:24.031-07:00Soy Milk<center>Well, I possibly figured out why I wasn't losing weight on a small booster juice and hardly any food.
There was soy milk in the type I was getting (matcha monsoon add blueberry)... soy milk makes me bloat because I'm allergic to it... fuck me :(
so no more! hopefully now I can pass this platue.
<br>
<br>
<i>(The following may trigger cravings)</i> <br>
I swear to god I am so mad at myself...
I broke down.. I got overly stressed and had an enormous migraine yesterday. I bought a bowl size bag of m&ms :(
I didn't eat them all but I ate half... and now they hidden in my drawer.
However, I have been doing OK besides that, I haven't snacked at work, and I have been avoiding pop and nestea (I love nestea) and I've been having lemon water!
I'm trying so hard not to go back to binge/purge, but if i don't stop the binge I may star up again.
I have been so stressed since last weekend,
<br>
On the bright-ish side, I'm applying for a new job tomorrow, possibly a 5:30am hotel breakfast hostess. It includes benefits :D
But we shall see, you would think a resume which includes 5 year customer service, 2 year supervisor and 4 month server, with 2 year volunteer looks pretty damn good for such a low profile job, but you never know. Wish me luck!
<br>
<br> </center>
Anyways, I'm off to bed! <br>
Gotta be up at 6am, dropping off my resume at 8, then heading out of town :p<br>
Goodnight!<br>
Sandy xxx<br>
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-66917801654540941382013-05-09T23:45:00.000-07:002013-05-09T23:45:24.582-07:00Relapse<center>Apparently I have relapsed, not in the way your thinking, but with my PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder).
I was at my counselors and due to the event Sunday of serving the guy who robbed me, see post from Monday <a href="http://dancingbetween.blogspot.ca/2013/05/im-back-for-good-i-promise.html">here</a> .... he has considered it a relapse..
Unfortunately I will probably have to continue to visit my counselor for another month or so each week. I guess its not that bad, I mean he really does help, it just take up a good chunk of my day.
I also don't like telling friends that i cant hangout because I have my appointment, they always start acting like there is something wrong with me, or they ask me why and its like uuugghhh just don't worry about it. Or, if I tell them about the robbery they ask more and more questions, which cause me to get flashbacks.
I did alright today, I think, I didn't get to go to hot yoga though, this actually made me really sad.
BUT I'm going to Moksha yoga tomorrow, its 75 mins which will burn 470 calories an hour according to Livestong.com.
Still no movement on the scale :(
Love always
Sandy xxx
<a href="http://imageshack.us/a/img156/5264/hyoga110hs5.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://imageshack.us/a/img156/5264/hyoga110hs5.jpg" /></a>
<br>
<b><i>This will be me... one day
<3</i></b></center>die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-31028649459273454972013-05-07T23:43:00.001-07:002013-05-07T23:43:41.458-07:00NEW Medicine ball. ftw!<b>OK well...</b> what a great start, my titles a lie..
I bought a Reebok soft weighted ball :p not a medicine ball, they both do the same thing so oh well. I figured it would be a good thing to try.
I had a rough day today, however, I managed to finish strong.
Two days ago I had a fright at work, I was serving my robber, he tried to hide his face so I didn't figure that out until his group was paying.. lovely.
So, after a helpful counselor appointment and an annoying 3 hours of work I kicked butt at my country Zumba class and finished with an hour of hot yoga. I feel amazing!
But sadly, I haven't yet lost weight...
You would think that with eating healthy, working out 2 hours a day, running around at work, and having vitamins that boost your metabolize like chili and green tea I would be able to loose SOME pounds :(
I may have to go back to fasting... hopefully that doesn't cause me to relapse :/
Happy to be back!
Love you all!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sandy <3
die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-36729034190370062822013-05-06T23:52:00.001-07:002013-05-06T23:52:55.446-07:00I'm back for good, I promise.. <b>Holy crap.</b>
Its been almost 2 years...
I'm sorry.
I have been through hell and back.
At my work I have had 2 robbery's only a month apart, both of which I was the center of.
The 1st one didn't threaten me but the 2nd one held me up with a knife to my throat...
Was just lovely... sarcasm...
Today, I feel like crap. I took a Zumba class tonight and then a work out class right after. Now I hurt.
Thanks to those fucking robberies I've put on weight. I am 153 pounds and I am not happy about it. It's all stress, but it makes me mad.
I makes me cry at night. It makes me not want my boyfriend to see me naked, even though I know he thinks I'm beautiful.
<i>I'm I a bad person?</i>
<i>Why are all the bad things happening to me? Why did I get robbed at work, not once, but twice?</i>
<i>Is this a sign that my near death experience was suppose to actually kill me and my time is soon?</i>
I was at work (my new job [I'm a server at a family restaurant]) last night, and low an behold I realize, after I finally see his face after he finished his food, that I was serving the 2ed guy who robbed me, and 2 of his family members. <i>What did I do</i>? I pretended like nothing was wrong and as if I didn't know who he was... he recognized me, I'm sure he did before I recognized him, he was hiding his face the whole time I was serving them.
I have a restraining order against him... <i>why didn't I kick him out?</i> ughhh :(
<i>Why is life such a fucking bitch?</i>
So in order to take it off my mind I worked out tonight like no other... now I'm paying the price, I'm sore.
I'm doing the same tomorrow too, 225 squats, country workout class, then to finish with hot yoga.
To all my followers,
I hope you'er still with me.
xxx stay strong xxx
-Sandyy <3
<a href="http://www.picturecorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/shadows-photography.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://www.picturecorrect.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/shadows-photography.jpg" /></a>die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-89982964874623077602011-11-12T15:22:00.000-08:002011-11-12T15:22:06.749-08:00...So many words can explain where I have been, however, I am not going to create a excuse out of these words. My life has been a life, a life full of drama, a life full of stress, a life full of lies. But never has my life been nothing less then a life full of life. <br />
This is what life is and unfortunately I am just another person in this life, with these lies, stress and drama continuously following of me. <br />
But thats the way things are, I will continue to be strong, I will continue to breath, breath in life as its meant to be. <br />
<br />
I gave in to the crave, and I lost all control. I spent good money on useless food. Why? I dunno, I thought I wanted it. I gained weight, up to 142 by estimate, but then it hit me, what have I done? I have let the one thing that I thought I was in control over secretly control me. Well no more. the day I realised was the day I had my tonsils removed, I figured perfect, if i can't swallow, I can't eat. Well here I am today Day 16, I have lost at least 12 pounds. I lost the first 10 within 6 days. Then the second thought hit me, I can do this. I can be the one I have always wanted to be. The lightweight dancer, the gorgeous, sexy, skinny girl. Just keep this up. <br />
<br />
Food will never control me again. <br />
<br />
xox Sandydie2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3616169755211959820.post-86831312896734347522011-08-23T01:59:00.000-07:002011-08-23T01:59:15.908-07:00Why am I not happy?I'm finally under 130. <br />
But somehow I'm not excited about it. <br />
Is it because I feel like shit?<br />
Is it because I spent the past two nights crying?<br />
Is it because I don't understand my boyfriend?<br />
Or is it the fact my boyfriend doesn't think he should be with be because he thinks I'm perfect and he is an unaffectionate dick?<br />
I don't think he his and he won't listen to me. <br />
We have been together almost 2 year I love him so much and he doesn't believe that he can be loved because he can't love back. <br />
I just can't deal with this. <br />
And I don't know what to do. <br />
It's hard to explain because everythig I do, including now I start to cry. <br />
Thinking about it.. U know he is scared of commitment, but what if.. What if he is realizing he does really like me but but wants to push me away because he is scared? <br />
I just don't know. :( <br />
Like last night he assumed I wanted to break up... I didn't. I just wanted to know what was up. <br />
Fuck I'm a mess :(<br />
<br />
Can't stand life right now. <br />
-sandyy die2behttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05230832426957119471noreply@blogger.com0