Saturday, August 13, 2011

My emotional rollar coster

Over the past few months I have been under soo much stress. I lost a lot of weight and put it all back on. Now it won't change. I'm starting university this fall and I'm scared shitless.
I miss my cousin sooo much. I really really do. But at the same time I hate her. She was my best/only friend. The sister I never had. And she just ditched. Like everyone else does. I find it so hard to keep a good friendship without having to overly work hard at it. I believe I have given up. I don't go out of my way to talk/see people because I'm usually working or to tired or lazy. I just don't feel motives. Maybe it's cuz every friend I have had just ends up ditching me. All I got is my boyfriend. Which we se each other at work all the time so we only hangout once a week. We have been together for 2 years now.
But in a way I guess with my cousin it's my fault. But in don't wanna talk to her just as much as I do. And I feel. If she really wants to talk to me, what's stopping her?
Everytime something reminds me of it, I cry. I just can't handle it. I ran into her last month. I almost cried. I can't do it. I don't know what to do.

I was watching the final few eps. To Hannah montana. (ya I like that show) and Miley and Lillys relashionship and them going to collage reminded me of what me and my cousins was and how it could have been instead of like this and man, I just went on that emotional rollarcoaster and now I can't get off :(

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