Saturday, July 18, 2009

The worst of it.

Alright so the other day, i was planing not to eat anything.
It was going great, had 0 cals, then i came home...
at about 7pm and my mom told me to eat dinner,
so i did because i knew, if i didn't she would question it.

But of course, my body took over, i ate, and ate and ate.
I felt so bad after, like a freaking obese!
I purged, it was hard, it hurt, but i did.
I did it so much, with so much determination, to get that evil out of my body,
that i broke the blood vessels in my face.

Then I remembered a a few years ago , i would just binge and purge,
i didn't restrict. The same thing had happened, except at the same time i had puked blood.

I really don't know what to do, i hate the binge purge, just because of the purge.
Does anyone have any good idea on how to get out of the purging?
I know I'm hurting myself whenever i purge, but i just can't stop myself.

Today I did restrictions, i didn't eat more then 500 cals. and i burned about 1000 cals.
i walked to school, walked to work, ran stairs, and ran around at work for like 5hrs.
but i really don't feel that is enough.


1 comment:

  1. Ugh, I need a way out of the splurge and purge too.
    I'm going to blow all my money on a ukulele, so I can't afford to buy anymore food.
    And when I'm hungry, I'll play it. To remind myself why I got it in the first place.