ABC Diet Day 9 - Family Chaos

CW: 170.9 lbs

LW: 115 lbs

HW: 188 lbs

GW:  119 lbs

UGW: 99 lbs

So close to hitting the 60's yay!!! - so far in 9 days I have lost 8 pounds. 

Couldn't be happier. - No actually I'm super stoked on this. 

But I have a big family weekend coming up... uh oh, 

So tonight I'm with my boyfriend - He's coming out to live with me!! 

He has a couple job interviews lined up tomorrow. YAY!

Now this is where it gets hard... He knows my past - kinda. 

I keep telling him no I'm eating healthy I'm working out as he's already made the comment 

"you better still be eating" 

I assured him I am. 

So tonight he's picking dinner and I have to eat... 

I can't purge because he will hear it I'm screwed. 

THEN tomorrow night I have family in town

2 members of the family from out of town whom I've never met before - oh boy. lol 

we are also going to dinner... I can just get a salad here tho. 

so that works. 

Thursday Im home free so I will fast. 

Friday - my moms in town... FUCK. 

then she's taking me back our hometown...
to go camping.ugh. 

Why must they be so needy. 

DOnt get me wrong - I love them. 

but they are difficult to hide stuff from. 

I'm very worried this whole family ordeal is going to throw me right for a loop. 

I'm stressing

I will do the best I can. 

but as long as I can say by next week I'm in those 60's - only 1 pound away. 

I will be happy. 

Wish me luck. 

💕

ABC Diet Day 4 --Diet Pills Day IDK!

CW: 174.81lbs

LW: 115 lbs

HW: 188 lbs

GW:  119 lbs

UGW: 99 lbs

Well last night I fucked up. 

I binged.. not by much but enough that I felt dirty. 

I purged. I purged it all back up... but that only accounts for 20%

the deed is already done by this point.

I had a chocolate almond Kiss, and 4 mini Swiss Delic (2 dark and 2 Milk)

then to get the chocolate taste out of my mouth I had 4 spoon full of cottage cheese.

This put me over my 300 allowed calories by 200. 

So as punishment I also had one of my old ex-lax's. 

The fact that its only day 3 makes me feel like a failure. 

ugh no wonder I only lost .4 of a pound today. 

I was so happy yesterday I went from 175.8 to 174.5 and now Im 174.1

I will push through this. I want to be in the 60's by Monday.

this is my current goal. 

I do have a questions for you guys. I haven't taken ex-lax in a long time. 

I took one last night and i think it did shit. 

No pains no cramps no nothing. 

I took it at 9pm fell asleep at 9:30pm and woke up at 7:40am... no pains.

I'm also shocked I slept a whole 8 hours. 

Any idea why the ex-lax didn't work?

Sorry no love today. 

Sandy

ABC Diet Day 2 - 500 Calories

CW: 175.8 lbs

LW: 115 lbs

HW: 188 lbs

GW:  119 lbs

UGW: 99 lbs

Day 2! 500 Cals so far down 2.2 lbs!

I successfully completed day 1, YAY!

I feel like this is easy - but it won't stay that way. 

sooo many things around to grab my attention to my hunger. 

But no pain no gain. I don't want to purge so I won't binge. 

I will be under 170 by friday! thats my goal!!!

ABC Diet Day 1 and Diet Pills Day 5

So far so good. 

So happy to see the scale lower today - I'm coming back harder then ever and jumping right in. 

Its addicting - The results are addicting. 

I tried the whole workout eat healthy and it was bullshit

I still binged, I worked hard saw no results and spent too much money on a trainer that did fuck all. 

I ate healthy and how your 'suppose to' for a whole year and it did shit - I was more prone to binging. 

SO FUCK IT. 

I tried mom, I'm doing it my way now. 

I did however try something new for me...

Talking to people. 

Not just any people, but people who are the same. 

People who are also going through this, 

Its nice to know your not alone. 

I am in this group and we are doing the ABC diet together. 

We inspire each other and we help each other. 

We help each other not binge to keep up from purging. 

We help each other stay strong and stick to the plan. 

Beyond this group I'm happy to say I found a friend

Someone I can relate to and talk to and share my status

I will refer to her as A if I ever need to talk about her in the future

I look forward to our adventure of finally becoming happy inside and out

I AM IN NO MEANS PRO ANA - Honestly, this addition I wouldn't wish on anyone 

but some times its worth checking out Ana groups online 

just to find someone like you. 

If your still following my blog this many years later I thank you

Would love to hear from you if you need someone to talk to

One thing I learned this week is that

Sometimes it helps talking to someone who's going through the same as you

No matter how hard it is. 

Love Forever. 

Sandy <3 p="">

Today consists of 500 Calories
As of 4pm I am just under 300. 
Cauliflower rice for days!

Back on Diet Pills Day 2

Day 2 of starting back on diet pills... so far feeling normal. 

I am also doing IdealFit protein, pre-workout and BCAA to keep me said but keep the metabolism going and electrolights. 

Click here if you want to try the IdealFit

I've had my protein shake, and a small salad - tonight I will have eggs and cauliflower rice. 

In a few days I'll have a fast day. 

Im going to avoid MIA as much as I can - I can't purge very well anymore as my stomach lining is thin from years ago. (Gives me heartburn now)

If there is anyone out there listening I would love someone to join me on my race back down the scale. Or even just someone to talk to. 

Love Always

I'm Back Bitches

I'm baaaaack. 

Yes Im still alive and kicking. 

.... unfortunately with this kind of thing - my Ana - it never goes away. 

I can tell you I'm okay. 

I can gain weight to make you shut up. 

but I can't change how I feel. 

I can't stop my emotions. 

Ana isn't another person, Ana is me. 

Some days Ana is quiet - some days Ana is loud. 

In the end Ana is the one there judging me and calling me out 

but only after I fuck up. 

Its been 4 years since my last post. 

In this time I tried starting over - new life - new house - new friends. 

But what was the point. 

Im back where I started.

Life's never easy, if it was we wouldn't need google. 

We wouldn't need to complain or be self critical. 

People wouldn't need to fix things. 

I am 24 this year - and I have an eating disorder. 

This won't ever change. 

Lets see how long I'm here for this time. 

cleanse complete

finished my cleanse at day 7!!
100% complete!
lost 6 pounds!

Day 3 - Herbal Detox

DAY 3!!! I've lost 3 pounds!!
Still going strong.
Today I had Alpine cereal for breakfast,
a green tea and blueberry's for lunch and a shrimp,
cranberry, goat cheese, spinach salad.
AND I'm going to have blueberry's and Melon for desert!

PS! I'm working on my 3rd job! Hopefully serving!! YAY! :)
I just had my interview today i find out tomorrow or Wednesday morning!

Catch you Later!
Sandy  xxx

Day 1 Herbal Detox!

I started it today!
Day 1- done and done.
6 pills a day and 40 drops of this herbal bottle.
I had mixed Alpine for breakfast with a tiny bit of skim mix, and almond milk to drink.
Then I had a gluten-free and lactose free lasagna for dinner.
I didn't eat lunch because I had to work through it.
Tonight I plan having plain pop corn and a frozen juice popsical (Allowed one juice per day) :)

Trying hard, Staying Strong.
Sandy xxx

LOVE LOVE LOVE

This is a first.

I love my new job!

Everyone is so happy and friendly, everyone is new so were all on the same page. 

Good hours, good food. happy people.

I'm hoping thing carry on great! 

I need to start raking in the cash. 

I need 4 grand more and school will be PAID. 

I then need at least 20 grand for rent and living. 

I CAN DO THIS!!!

I'm going back to dance soon!

If not this week then next week!

 I PROMISE! 

I can't miss it again, 

I need it.

I'm going back to my spinach and goat cheese lunch, with a tiny dinner.

I think this will be a good diet to start my way back to long term fasting. 

I have put on a hell of a lot of weight in the past 2 months I'm embarrassed to say how much it is.

Wish me luck!

Love you all!!!!

Sandyy xxx

P.S. Some reason I have developed a passion for reading very provocative books. 

Any reason why this would be?

New Job!!

I ended up quitting my hotel job as well, due to the fact they decided that we don't get a break unless we work over 6 hours, (Labor law clearly states a worker is entitled to a 30 minutes brake after 5 hours).
Then, on top of that they want to pay us by the rooms. That is a half hour per room we clean, we don't get paid for setting up our cart, we don't get paid for cleaning up either and if we cant clean the room because a guest hasn't left yet we don't get paid. Its crap.

However, I got a new job!!! I work at a steakhouse and bar restaurant, this time as a line cook!!
I start training today! I'm so excited!
And the best thing, is that it hasn't opened yet, its bran new to town so everyone is new and training!

Gotta go finish getting ready!
Sandy!! xxx

Finally I have a voice.

When I handed in my resignation letter at my restaurant job, I wrote the reason why I was quitting being about the manager that was harassing and bullying me. I also told him exactly what he said to me. Never did I imagine he would get head office involved. 

They called me tonight to ask me how I was doing, and to get a bit more information on the situation. They were very kind, and wanted to make sure I knew that I had a voice, and that they were very upset about the situation and it will be dealt with. 

Here is what actually happened that night, the reason I quit... (names removed to protect there identities)...
The manager started off the night by yelling at me and threatened my job telling me to keep busy. So I went out of my way to keep busy. After 2 hours I went to the back to have a drink. The manager followed me back there and yelled at me again, this time in front of my coworker and the kitchen staff. I tried to tell him that I hadn't had a drink in 2 1/2 hours and I was dehydrated but he told me off saying he was tired of hearing all the stupid excuses. He again asked me if I wanted to keep my job threatening that he was going to fire me if he had to talk to me again. He then asked me if I knew why I was getting shitty hours, I said it was because of my availability and he replied “no your getting shitty hours and shitty sections because of your shitty work ethics. Your hours and sections are a reflection of you” He then told me to really think hard about what he’s talked to me about if I want to keep my job. Then just before I left he said again, in front of everyone, to think hard about what he talked to me about. 

He has upset so many workers there its ridiculous. I can't work there if he is there. The only way I could go back was if they fired him. But I have no idea whats going to happen.

I started looking for a new job today, but so far I haven't had much luck. This time of year its hard to find a job. I completely missed hiring season. 

But we shall see, 

I'll keep you updated.

Thank you for all the support and comments

My life feels like I'm on a never ending roller coster in the middle of a storm.

Sandy  xxx

Quit my job :(

Well, I ended up quitting my serving job.
The manager was being an asshole to me. Harassing and belittling me. I couldn't take it anymore.
I don't care how much money I was making. A job is not worth it if its causing me to cry after every shift.
Time to get the resumes out.

Staying Strong
Sandy xxx

Fuck, I cant go to the gym!!!

Well, my housekeeping job just got real. 

My training is pretty much complete so now I'm on my own, and WOW its heavey duty. 

Like I'm sweating all day because of it! 

YES, this is good. 

This is exactly what I wanted. 

But now I'm so tired I cant do dance :( 

I haven't been to yoga, and tomorrow is my last day with my month pass.

And I keep falling asleep to early. 

Pros... I'm getting paid to burn a ton of calories. 

But what is better?

Gym, dance, yoga 1-2 hours a day or working so hard cleaning, sweating for 8 hours 5 days a week???

Still breathing!

xxx Sandy

Day 2 of cleanse

Soooooo, 

Unfortunately, my cleanse has ended. No, not because I failed, because the cayenne pepper reacted to my gums. Apparently, the mix that i had bought had too much cayenne in it, it caused my gums in my mouth to start peeling. and caused me to have all sores in the back of my throat as if it had burnt it...

For now I'm going to give my throat a break, its really sore today, it stung badly when I had lemon water :/

BUT I found this new cleanse I'm going to try next week called Herbal Detox, Ill post a picture when I start it. It has a lot of good herbs in it and it is in vitamin form. Your suppose to eat a little bit, however, your not allowed dairy, gluten or sugar. Hopefully this will work well for me. 

UPDATE on my home-wrecker of a friend! --thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions! I decided to let it take its course as interfering may put a strain on our friendship, specially being as I'm technically not suppose to know.

However, HE HAS A SOLE! He is sorta coming to terms that is wrong. BUT he is still continuing. 

Although, one wired catch, he said the other week that her husband walked in on them a bit ago and now they are splitting up. THIS WEEK he has changed it, saying he knew the whole time, and he is cool with it. So as if they are swingers. I call bullshit.

What do you think???

Still Living! Staying Strong!

Sandyy xxx

Day 1!!

The master cleanse starts today!!
Hopefully it goes well. The juice is a little too spicy, and the salt water makes me heave...
Hopefully I can get through it.

Staying Strong!
Sandyy xxx

The Master Cleanse (Lemonade Diet)

Alright, so I'm going to start a different fast soon.
Its called the Master Cleanse, AKA Lemonade Diet.
so for at least 3 days maximum 30, you drink lemon cyanne pepper and syrup, or water.
And it detoxifys your body!
Im so excited for this!

My jobs are going well! my new housekeeper job is great! Its a real workout! just what I wanted!

And as for my home wrecker of a friend. Apparently the girls husband walked in on them having sex, the girl and her husband are now separated... but somehow I don't believe it and it as like its his way of making it sounds like its 'ok'.
We shall see! Ill keep my blog updated.

Stay strong! <33
Sandy! xxxx

Playing Sitting Duck

Me myself and I, we are good. Irritated but good.
I've started my 3rd job and so far, so good!

However, I'm stressed out. Now, I don't understand why in gods name this bugs me but I gotta let it out.
A friend of mine, who is suppose to be the obnoxious caring good guy in my group, is hooking up with his married friend, who has a kid!
I didn't necessarily care for this girl before I found out, but now that I know I can't stand her.
But, to top it off, they don't know I know. Now, if they knew I know, they would be aware of the fact it goes against everything I believe in, no I'm not christian, but I do have morals.
Why the hell does this bug me soooo much. And to top it off when we all hangout together this girl randomly brings up about her husband or her daughter and all I can think is I feel bad for your family, you don't deserve them you fucking whore.
Nothing good will come about this for my friend, I'm worried about him getting hurt.:(
If anyone has any suggestions on what to do please please tell me. Its making me uber stressed.
But as far as I can tell I'm stuck playing sitting duck.

xxx Sandy

Gone Bat Shit Crazy!

Not even lying, I'm trying something new..
K, so, I was at yoga today and I thought to myself, if I find a job that Would put me to work to help me loose more weight I'll be golden! PLUS more money! Yay to being paid to loose weight!
Mom's getting me hired at the hotel she works at so I can work there as a housekeeper cleaning rooms in the morning! :)

On another note, I went to my boots and glutes workout class and traditional hot yoga tonight! I feel wonderful!! Also, yesterday I bought the 'Magic Bullet' its a wonderful blender, that can blend ice, food, anything! Its amazing!
Staying strong!
Love you all!
xxx Sandy!

Soy Milk

Well, I possibly figured out why I wasn't losing weight on a small booster juice and hardly any food. There was soy milk in the type I was getting (matcha monsoon add blueberry)... soy milk makes me bloat because I'm allergic to it... fuck me :( so no more! hopefully now I can pass this platue.

(The following may trigger cravings)
I swear to god I am so mad at myself... I broke down.. I got overly stressed and had an enormous migraine yesterday. I bought a bowl size bag of m&ms :( I didn't eat them all but I ate half... and now they hidden in my drawer. However, I have been doing OK besides that, I haven't snacked at work, and I have been avoiding pop and nestea (I love nestea) and I've been having lemon water! I'm trying so hard not to go back to binge/purge, but if i don't stop the binge I may star up again. I have been so stressed since last weekend,
On the bright-ish side, I'm applying for a new job tomorrow, possibly a 5:30am hotel breakfast hostess. It includes benefits :D But we shall see, you would think a resume which includes 5 year customer service, 2 year supervisor and 4 month server, with 2 year volunteer looks pretty damn good for such a low profile job, but you never know. Wish me luck!

Anyways, I'm off to bed!
Gotta be up at 6am, dropping off my resume at 8, then heading out of town :p
Goodnight!
Sandy xxx